How to politely ask 'Where are you from?'

This is a question for speakers of American English.

How should I politely ask where an American is from? I can normally recognize the American accent, but like to know which part of the US Americans are from. I have asked on several occasions Americans on holiday here, but I only rarely get a positive response. They often just seem to show no interest and quickly walk away. This seems strange to me, as when I have been to the US on holiday, Americans are very friendly and are happy to talk about themselves and ask a lot about where I am from.

Is it rude to ask this? Perhaps there is just more polite way to do it.

Maybe they're Canadians or Americans that say they're Canadian when travelling, so you might have offended them if you ask "What part of the US are you from?" Also, some people don't like to be asked where they're from--they don't like discussing where they're from or they think it's an incredibly boring point of conversation akin to discussing the weather. The most polite way of asking where are you from is simply: "Where are you from?" But perhaps you could ask them how they are enjoying their time in <insert place>, and then maybe they'll tell you where they're from. Or maybe you can compliment their accent and say something such as: "I really like your accent. Are you from Ohio?" Then they can correct you and say: "no we're actually from West Texas.

"What part of the U.S. are you from?" would probubly get you an answer. But one of the reasons why they don't answer or may respond negatively is because they may think you wouldn't know the part of the U.S. they are from or be interested in it. There is a belief that most Europeans only know L.A. and N.Y. And since most Americans don't live in either of these cities, they may just be dismissive of your question.

They usually tell me where they are from, but after that they don't seem to want to continue talking, like I've done something wrong. I usually try to talk about where I've been near where they are from, if I have been near there.

I'm not European though, I'm South African.

Deiter - I've noticed that about the Americans, too - it is a wee bit strange. We get loads of Americans here in Edinburgh, and I come across them in the social scene here. I don't know what it is about them when you make such enquiries or similar about their personal circumstances but they seem strangely reticent, not a bit like you would expect Americans to be, really. What have they got to hide you ask yourself! They really DO have a different "attitude" to what we in Europe are generally used to. Maybe we overawe them, which seems even more incredible! It can't be that they all want everyone to think they're Canadians? :-) Not to worry.........

Another thing I've noticed is that you can be chatting with them when all of a sudden they just get up and scarper without saying anything - they just get up and go. If that isnt weird what is? Maybe Americans don't go in for valdecitions! ;-) Maybe we need to tell them what the British word "Cheers!" means - it can have several meanings, but one of them is a friendly form of "Goodbye!"

I know for a fact that it's not me personally that makes them up sticks and leave. Some of my mates have noticed the same thing. Maybe it's the American way, who knows, never having been to America the Beautiful.

Deiter - I've never seen your name spelt that way, so maybe it's the South African way. The usual German way is Dieter.

<<Another thing I've noticed is that you can be chatting with them when all of a sudden they just get up and scarper without saying anything - they just get up and go.>>

Here in California I've never seen anyone do that. They always say "I've gotta go." or "Bye." at least.

>> Here in California I've never seen anyone do that. They always say "I've gotta go." or "Bye." at least. <<

Or see ya

>> I don't know what it is about them when you make such enquiries or similar about their personal circumstances but they seem strangely reticent, not a bit like you would expect Americans to be, really. What have they got to hide you ask yourself! They really DO have a different "attitude" to what we in Europe are generally used to. Maybe we overawe them, which seems even more incredible! It can't be that they all want everyone to think they're Canadians? :-) Not to worry......... <<

Maybe it's because when you're visiting somewhere else, you get asked where you're from a lot more often then usual, and it starts to get annoying to have the same conversation again and again. Also, when you're somewhere else you tend to be more focused on where you are than where you come from. Also, what do you expect them to say? If you ask where they're from and they respond "Beaverton", they probably don't think that you really know where it is even. Just like Americans tend not to have a very good grasp of geography of Europe for example (I know a lot of people that couldn't even locate Scotland on a map, or even know that it's not part of England), Europeans tend not to know much about North America, except for the largest, most well known cities.

Deiter,

I can’t imagine anyone taking offence to the question “where are you from”. That is usually the first question I ask when I meet someone new, especially if their accent is even slightly different from mine. I think most Southerners would think it almost rude if you didn’t ask. I guess some Americans that live in “fly over country” (that is anything except the west and east coast) have an inferiority complex about their home but I think you can exclude most Southerners from that (especially Texans)

Deiter & Damian,

Where were the Americans from that seemed reluctant to talk about where they were from? If they were from the South I would bet a dollar to a donut they weren’t real Southerners (nearly one in three people who live in the South don’t call themselves that).

Hell fire! If you ask a real Southerner where he is from you better have all afternoon to talk. He’ll not only give you his State but his county, his community, most probably throw in his rural route number and his church and then invite you over for supper. Then he’ll commence to tell you all about “his people”, who his grandmother was, which college football team he roots for (War Eagle) the name of his dog, which Confederate generals his GGG Grandfather served under (Joe Johnston and Richard Taylor) and how much Cherokee, Choctaw and/or Creek blood runs in his veins.

BTW Deiter I just recently met a gentleman who had that slightly different accent. I had it pegged as South African tempered with a lot of Southern American. He was actually raised in Rhodesia but has been in Alabama for 30 years, so I was partially right. Can you readily distinguish between a person that was raised in Zimbabwe and one that was raised in S.A. just by his accent?

I can't imagine why anyone would be reluctant to tell you about where they came from in a normal conversation. The only time I ever brushed off such a question was when I was in England with bad stomach cramps, and the the doctor asked me where I was from. I said "New Mexico", to which he paused and replied "NEW Mexico?" Well, I was in pain and not really willing to go into the Mexican-American War and the Gadsden Purchase just then, so I just gave him a terse "yeah" and directed him back to my medical problems. I supposed I could have been a little bit more forthcoming, but damn -- there's a time and a place, and the emergency room ain't it!

As for being able to recognize and pinpoint American accents, don't worry -- most Americans can't even do that. So WE commonly ask each other where we are from as well -- it's not just foreigners. I live near plenty of tourist towns, and that's a pretty standard line that shopkeepers will ask browsers as a way of breaking the ice and gauging their interest. The only time that question leads to a conversational dead end is when you reply, "From here." That's because they know you won't be terribly impressed with Indian jewelry or Mexican pottery -- you've seen it a million times. But other shoppers are happy to reply with the names of their home states (or towns if they are well-known), and chat for a moment.

So you ask them where they're from and they tell you, and then what do you say? What else can one say?

Well, you could ask what their home is like, or how it compares to here, or what differences they notice, or what the weather/climate/landscape is like, or mention that you have been there yourself (or near there, or would like to someday visit). Whatever pops into your head.

<<Another thing I've noticed is that you can be chatting with them when all of a sudden they just get up and scarper without saying anything - they just get up and go. If that isnt weird what is?>>

Are you certain that you haven't offended them or annoyed them? I know if you said some of the things that you have said about Americans on here to them, they would probably have a good reason to leave. But I've never had anyone get up and leave with out bidding some form of fair well unless I had committed a social blunder or stuck my foot in my mouth unwittingly.

<<Maybe it's because when you're visiting somewhere else, you get asked where you're from a lot more often then usual, and it starts to get annoying to have the same conversation again and again. Also, when you're somewhere else you tend to be more focused on where you are than where you come from.>>

I agree with this.

<<Just like Americans tend not to have a very good grasp of geography of Europe for example (I know a lot of people that couldn't even locate Scotland on a map, or even know that it's not part of England), Europeans tend not to know much about North America, except for the largest, most well known cities.>>

Where in the hell do you meet these people? There was a lady on here that stated a friend of hers looked down on her for speaking several languages. Really, have I been living a sheltered life? Have I somehow managed always to find the people who would laugh at any one who couldn't find Scotland on a map or be horrified by a person thinking that knowledge was not essentially a good thing? I’ve lived in the “backwaters” of the Mid and Mountain West helping birth lambs and I have lived in D.C. and visited its museums and concert halls and the Library of Congress. Yet, I’ve never met these people anywhere I’ve gone. This is startling to me. What niche have I planted myself in over and over again, that I have never seen this in a person over eight-years-old?

>>As for being able to recognize and pinpoint American accents, don't worry -- most Americans can't even do that. So WE commonly ask each other where we are from as well -- it's not just foreigners. I live near plenty of tourist towns, and that's a pretty standard line that shopkeepers will ask browsers as a way of breaking the ice and gauging their interest. The only time that question leads to a conversational dead end is when you reply, "From here." That's because they know you won't be terribly impressed with Indian jewelry or Mexican pottery -- you've seen it a million times. But other shoppers are happy to reply with the names of their home states (or towns if they are well-known), and chat for a moment.<<

In my case at least, such is not necessarily the case. I myself work at a company which, while here in Milwaukee, employs many people from other parts of the US and from even outside the US (as a lot of Russians, in particular, work there). Yet at the same time, as here in Wisconsin there is a definite sense of there being a distinction between Wisconsinites and even other Upper Midwesterners. There is a sense of camaraderie with other Wisconsinites, while even other Americans are regarded as being "internal foreigners" of sorts. Hence identifying other Wisconsinites is not a conversational dead-end as much as a matter of identifying "us" as opposed to "them".

<<Well, you could ask what their home is like, or how it compares to here, or what differences they notice, or what the weather/climate/landscape is like, or mention that you have been there yourself (or near there, or would like to someday visit). Whatever pops into your head.>>

That's a bit of a mundane/pointless conversation to have with a stranger. But then if you're travelling as a tourist you ought to want to talk to the locals... Maybe they are not tourists but are travelling for business or something and don't care to interact with the locals...

'There's a NEW Mexico?' Isn't that a quote from Homer Simpson?

Here's an example of how it can go:

'Excuse me, can I ask where are you from?'
'The US.'
'Yeah, I know, I meant whereabouts'
'Oh, Michigan.'
'Oh, have you been to Ann Arbor?'
'No.'
'Oh you should go, it's nice.'

And then they just walk off.

I understand it's pretty annoying to have people asking you were you are from all the time. I get a bit bored myself as I live abroad, but most conversations are the same when you first meet people and although I'm always saying the same thing, the people I'm talking to are different.

The South African and Zimbabwe accents are pretty similar. As for the spelling of my name, it's not actually my name, it's just a username.