trouble in the night ! poetry!
Trouble in the night ..
the darkness falls on my room in many ways
i feel trapped under the sheets, its a suffocating feeling
quite extrodinary but i put my feelings at bay
motionless i start to panic and edge with fright
there is a distint coldness in the night
some people create their own theories
agree is but to disagree
an annoymos person enters my domain
but doesnt intend to harm or create pain
is this thing in search of good or bad
or is it that ive gone slightly mad
from inside im struggling
from the outside im welcoming
the morning comes no sooner
finally i receive bail
from my night in jail
what do you think of this .. is there any mistakes ?
line 2 -- its -> it's (unless you want the whole thing to be devoid of punctuation)
line 8 annoymous -> anonymous (unless this some poetic spelling)
thanks for the reply , yea it was a quick brainstorm knew id leave a few mistakes in it , your spot on ..
you think its a good poem , or lacks something ?
thedarcness falls onmi room inmani uuais
ifeel trapped underthe sheets itsa suffocating feeling
quite ecctraodinari buti putmi feelings atbai
motionless istart topanic andedge with fright
thereis adistinct coldness inthe night
some people create theirown theories
agreeis butto disagreean
anonimous person entersmi domain
butdoesnt intendto harmor create pain
isthis thing insearch ofgood orbad
orisit thatiue gone slightli
madfrom insideim struggling
fromthe outsideim uuelcoming
themorning comesno sooner
finallii receiue bail
frommi nightin jail
-------------------------------------------------
Why not make this peom more visually appealing?
IMHO it'd look better with no short words, and without those overly angular letters "k", "y", "v", and "w".
Interesting and surprisingly creative revision -- not at all what I would have expected. It won't help Martin much, but it amused me (and it does look better).
Let's also get rid of those lazy letters that hang down below the line. This should give the text a more 'linear' look:
thedarcness falls onmi room inmani uuais
ifeel trabbed underthe sheets itsa suffocatinc feelinc
cuite ecctraodinari buti butmi feelingc atbai
motionless istart tobanic andedche with frihht
thereis adistinct coldness inthe nihht
some beoble create theirown theories
acreeis butto disacreean
anonimous berson entersmi domain
butdoesnt intendto harmor create bain
isthis thinc insearch ofcood orbad
orisit thatiue cone slihhtli
madfrom insideim strucclinc
fromthe outsideim uuelcominc
themorninc comesno sooner
finallii receiue bail
frommi nihhtin chail
I like it. Let's make it more compact
thedarcness falls onmi room inmani
uuais ifeel trabbed underthe sheets
itsa suffocatinc feelinc cuite ecctrao
dinari buti butmi feelingc atbai moti
onless istart tobanic andedche with
frihht thereis adistinct coldness inth
e nihht some beoble create theirow
n theories acreeis butto disacreean
anonimous berson entersmi domain
butdoesnt intendto harmor create b
ain isthis thinc insearch ofcood orba
d orisit thatiue cone slihhtli madfrom
insideim strucclinc fromthe outsideim
uuelcominc themorninc comesno soo
ner finallii receiue bail frommi nihhtin
chail
Nah, don't like compact...
thedarc ness falls onmi ro om inmani
uuais if eel trabbe d undert he sheets
itsa suf focatinc f eelinc cui te ecctrao
dinari b uti butmi feelingc atbai moti
onless i start tob anic and edche with
frihht th ereis adi stinct col dness inth
e nihht some be oble cre ate theirow
n theor ies acree is butto disacreean
anonim ous bers on enter smi domain
butdoe snt inten dto harm or create b
ain isth is thinc in search of cood orba
d orisit thatiue c one slihh tli madfrom
insideim strucclin c fromthe outsideim
uuelcom inc them orninc com esno soo
ner final lii receiue bail from mi nihhtin chail
extrodinary!
Very impressive
Trouble in the night ..
the darkness falls on my room in many ways
i feel trapped under the sheets, its a suffocating feeling
quite extrodinary but i put my feelings at bay
motionless i start to panic and edge with fright
there is a distint coldness in the night
some people create their own theories
agree is but to disagree
an annoymos person enters my domain
but doesnt intend to harm or create pain
is this thing in search of good or bad
or is it that ive gone slightly mad
from inside im struggling
from the outside im welcoming
the morning comes no sooner
finally i receive bail
from my night in jail
Word 2007 Spell Check
Trouble in the night ..
the darkness falls on my room in many ways
I feel trapped under the sheets, it’s a suffocating feeling
quite extraordinary but I put my feelings at bay
motionless I start to panic and edge with fright
there is a distinct coldness in the night
some people create their own theories
agree is but to disagree
an anonymous person enters my domain
but doesn’t intend to harm or create pain
is this thing in search of good or bad
or is it that I 've gone slightly mad
from inside I’m struggling
from the outside I’m welcoming
the morning comes no sooner
finally I receive bail
from my night in jail
When I was a little kid (3 or 4), I didn't like the look of spaces between typewritten words (monospace). With that in mind:
thedarcnessfallsonmiroominmani
uuaisifeeltrabbedunderthesheets
itsasuffocatincfeelinccuiteecctrao
dinaributibutmifeelinccatbaimoti
onlessistarttobanicandedchewith
frihhtthereisadistinctcoldnessinth
enihhtsomebeoblecreatetheirow
ntheoriesacreeisbuttodisacreean
anonimousbersonentersmidomain
butdoesntintendtoharmorcreateb
ainisthisthincinsearchofcoodorba
dorisitthatiueconeslihhtlimadfrom
insideimstrucclincfromtheoutsideim
uuelcomincthemorninccomesnosoo
nerfinalliireceiuebailfromminihhtin
chail
Finally, I think it's ready for the publishers.
Robin you liked the poem , and thanks for the replies .. i like the compact looks .. what kind of name is given to a compact poem?
Perhaps a beter way to get rid of too-short wirds is to just respell them, taking full advantage of the irregularities in English spelling:
theh darkness falls onne mygh room inne many ways
ieye feel trapped under thegh sheets, ihtts aigh suffocating feeling
quite extraodinary buhtt ieye puhtt mygh feelings atte baygh
motionless ieye start twoo panic annde edge with fright
there ihsz aigh distinct coldness inne theh night
some people create their oughn theories
agree ihsz buhtt twoo disagree
anne anonymous person enters mygh domain
buhtt doesnt intend twoo harm oarre create pain
ihsz this thing inne search oughf good oarre badd
oarre ihsz ihtt that ieyeve gone slightly madd
from inside ieyem struggling
from theh outside ieyem welcoming
theh morning comes nowe sooner
finally ieye receive bail
from mygh night inne jail
Hello Michael
Yes, I did like the poem.
However to a certain extent my appreciation depends on your native language. I like the poem anyway, but it is much more impressive if your native language is not English.
To be honest with you, I felt that a lot of the other comments were just 'messing about'. However there was a group of poets who experimented with the appearance of their poems. I know that Edwin Morgan was one.
I tend to think of Poetry as something that Academics do. Other people write 'poetry' and set it to music and make lots of money.
But 'poetry' is undoubtably part of the Art of Language.
Bye for now
Sorry Martin
Hello Martin!
I have just been checking my spelling:
But 'poetry' is undoubtedly part of the Art of Language.
I had a feeling that I had made a mistake when I wrote that. I think mistakes are quite interesting.
'extrodinary': is very close to how native speakers pronounce 'extraordinary'.
Cheerio