Could you please comment on this?

The letter below is written to the potential clients in Europe, and I don' t know how would you comment on this. It might be terribly bad. However, I need your comments.

Thanks and best regards!



Dear Sir or Madam:
We are REALCOLOR from SHENZHEN, CHINA, and we learnt your contact information from the business platform.
We are the manufacturer and the supplier of the printer consumables. Our website is: www.chinaciss.cn (the English Language). Our main product is the CISS. Our domestic market has never grown lean so we need expand our business to the world.
However, I am writing to you in the hope to establish the business relations. Please remember us: CHINA SHENZHEN REALCOLR and e-mail: szrealcolor_jijia@hotmail.com
Looking forward to your favorable reply.

Thanks and Best regards!
Jijia Zhang

It seems like you're trying to use antimoon as a free English consultant for your company, or that you're using it to publicize it. I'm sure that for a fee you could enlist the services of a professional translator. That said, here are a few ways to modify your text:

Dear Sir or Madam:
We are REALCOLOR from SHENZHEN, CHINA, and we learnt your contact information from the business platform.
We manufacture and supply printer consumables. Our English-Language website is: www.chinaciss.cn. Our main product is (the) CISS. Our domestic market has never grown lean so we need to expand our business worldwide.
Therefore, I am writing to you hoping to establish business relations. Please remember us: CHINA SHENZHEN REALCOLR and e-mail: szrealcolor_jijia@hotmail.com
Looking forward to your favorable reply.

Thanks and Best regards!
Jijia Zhang

Our domestic market has never grown lean so we need to expand our business worldwide.

I do not understand this sentence and I am a native speaker of English. Is it clear to business people? I didn't understand the original sentence from Chinese, either.

"we learnt your contact information from the business platform."

Is this British English? I realize that Jijia Zhang wants to target Europe, but this seems odd to me.

How about "We found your.....in the business platform."?

I agree with you, Gabriel. The company should find a native speaker and pay the fee for the corrections.

<The company should find a native speaker and pay the fee for the corrections. >

Or a nonnative speaker who is proficient. We do exist.

<Dear Sir or Madam:
We are REALCOLOR from SHENZHEN, CHINA, and we learnt your contact information from the business platform. >

Is it correct, in a letter, to use a colon after "Dear Sir or Madam"?

Dear Sir or Madam

I would like to introduce our company REALCOLOR from Shenzen, China.
We manufacture and supply printer consumables. Our main product is (the) CISS. Our domestic market is strong and now we would like to expand our business worldwide. Therefore, I am writing to you hoping to establish business relations.

I should mention that we got your contact information from the business platform.

If you would like to take a look at our English-language website, the URL is: www.chinaciss.cn. Our e-mail is: szrealcolor_jijia@hotmail.com

Looking forward to your reply.

Thanks and best regards

Jijia Zhang
(Write your function or position in the company here, cJijia.)

.......

Good luck with your expansion into the European market.

"Or a nonnative speaker who is proficient. We do exist."

Very well, then tell me what those two "iffy" sentences mean.

"Our domestic market is strong and now we would like to expand our business worldwide. Therefore, I am writing to you hoping to establish business relations."

I can understand this. Good job, Gwest.

Thanks all of you. I have learnt a lot.

To write business letter is one thing, and to get the orders is another thing.

Yes, maybe the post here has infringed the rules but my friends, listen, I come here only for Learning English Language. you are my consultant and my best friends.

it' s you, help our making progress everyday!

<Very well, then tell me what those two "iffy" sentences mean.>

"we learnt your contact information from the business platform."

we gained your contact information from/found it in...


I agree with Gwest on the other one.

<Yes, maybe the post here has infringed the rules but my friends, listen, I come here only for Learning English Language. you are my consultant and my best friends. >

I think the moderators and a few posters here prefer it if your posts omit the name of you company, products, website, etc. Then, one can't be accused of gaining free publicity and spamming.

Again, good luck.

<<The company should find a native speaker and pay the fee for the corrections. > >

Hey, Mr/Ms native speaker, if you are, tell me what you think of my nonnative attempt at correcting the letter.

I already did. The lean/strong part was the problem for me.

I need a completely corrected moderation and I will pay if your thread work well. If not, we will pay your smaller.

Hey, Guest, here I should say is: in the market, your results count for everything. This is real.

CJijia:

Are you using an electronic translator for your posts?

I need a completely corrected letter and I will pay if your version works well. If it doesn't work we will pay less.

I think this thread needs to be deleted.