English People...

<<Amatire, you're new to the forum and thus we're not accustomed to your humour. Without reading the posts before your one it did seem to be a bit condescending>>

Yes, I am sorry about that. To repost:

"It occured to me that making a lot of tongue in cheek comments to a bunch of posters you've never met before might be a little stupid, as my sense of humour in unfamiliar to you all. No offence meant in any of the above!"

:-)

(always a *great* plan to start at a new forum by making a whole bunch of enemies...! well done Amatire... *slaps self*)

Honestly, I didn't mean to upset anyone, and I do apologise for any hurt caused.

On re-reading the thread I remember someone mentioning Brits not liking to talk to strangers on a train - Jeremy Paxman said that? - it depends really I find, it can be awkward and embarrassing, a faux pas, to talk in that situation, or it can be a lot of fun. Almost every time I have travelled on the train in Britain I have ended up making friends with the person/people sitting opposite me. I usually find that they are happy and eager to talk, if invited to. I can't be the only one who has found this to be the case? But then, we did seem to be almost the only people talking in the whole carriage...! Also, it's a long while since I last travelled by train, and I was rather young then, so perhaps it is more acceptable to talk to a youth than it is to an adult? Or maybe times have changed in those loooooong years!

Top Ten Irish Inventions


1. The water-proof towel
2. Solar powered flashlight
3. Submarine screen door
4. A book on how to read
5. Inflatable dart board
6. A dictionary index
7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
8. Powdered water
9. Pedal-powered wheel chair
10. Waterproof tea bag

"Honestly, I didn't mean to upset anyone, and I do apologise for any hurt caused."
Don't worry about it. I hope no one is that sensitive. See what was meant about Adam. Just itching for an argument. C'mon Irish Guy, Where are you?

The Top 10 Irish Inventions
Adam, you ignored the genuine inventions and posted those crap ones which were designed to be sold to the English. I took the liberty and posted the genuine ones. I gather you already went to the site where I got these ones. Enough with the childish comments.


1. The (reasonably) modern Submarine(well it was metal)
Phillip John Holland was a Christian Brother who must have felt that there was more to life than beating the shite out of innocent schoolboys. He left his native Co. Clare in 1872 and went to the United States where in 1899, he invented the worlds first submarine- which he hoped in time would be used by the IRA against the British Navy.
2. The Harpoon Gun
Thomas Nesbitt invented the harpoon gun in 1760 to pulverise some pesky whales who were making a nuisance of themselves around the Donegal coastline at the time. It used to really piss off old Tom the way they'd swim right next to his currach and spray water all over the gaff. "I'll sort you out ya bastards," he said. And he did.
3. The Atom Bomb (we'll try claim it, its a long shot)
In 1944, the Japanese were feasting themselves on whalemeat and saying what great guys those Irish inventors were, when bish-bash-bosh, they're hit by an atom bomb - also developed (at least, indirectly) by an Irishman, Ernest Walton of Dungarvan in Co. Waterford. Apparently, it really pissed off old Roosevelt the way the Japs bombed Pearl Harbour. "I'll sort you out ya bastards," he said. And he did.
4. The Hypodermic Syringe
The next time you get a needle up the arse, save a little thought for Francis Rynd who invented that long, thin, sharp instrument which is jammed up your crack. In fairness to Francis, he developed the hypodermic syringe specifically for the injection of morphine, so the next time your house is burgled by heroine addicts...
5. Shorthand Writing
John Gregg of Monaghan invented shorthand writing in 1893, basing the system on the natural movements of the hand (steady on, boys). Shorthand writing was quickly adopted as a means of taking minutes and witness accounts. 110 years on and shorthand writing is about as popular as heiroglyphics
6. The Armoured Tank
In 1915, Walter Gordon Wilson invented the armoured tank on the commission of Winston Churchill. Churchill issued the commission on the basis that he wanted an armoured vehicle which was "capable of resisting bullets and shrapnel, crossing trenches, flattening barbed wire and negotiating the mud of no-mans land." In short, Churchill wanted something which would get him down Pearse Street in a hurry.
7. The Aircraft Ejector Seat
Legend has it that James Martin of County Down was sitting on a plane beside a woman nagging him about how she always had to pack the bags anytime they were flying anywhere, when he came up with the idea of the ejector seat. He perfected his invention in 1944 and the first successful ejection from a moving aircraft was made in 1946. Earphones have since replaced the ejector seat as the means of escaping nagging housewives on long-haul flights.
8. Soda Water
Soda Water was 'invented' by Robert Percival, Professor of Chemistry in Trinity College Dublin in 1900. Well, when I say the Top 10 inventions, I actually mean the Top 9...
9. The Monorail
The next time you hear reports about overspending on the Luas and think to yourself how we couldn't build a train if it was came in a box with Hornby written on it, consider Louis Brennan of Castlebar in County Mayo who invented the world's first monorail in 1907. The first time Brennan's design was put into use was on the Listowel to Ballybunion route in County Kerry so when you think about it, it couldn't have been that great an invention.
10. Colour Photography
The engineer, geologist and physicist, John Joly of Hollywood in County Offaly invented the first practical system of colour photography in 1894. Imagine inventing colour photography in Hollywood just before films are about to take off and then discovering that it's actually Hollywood in County Offaly. Some people just have no luck.

I got the joke, Amatire, and I'm American.

Often things that are meant to be performed fall flat on paper. A lot is lost when you can't hear tones and see body language.

I'd like to be on the same side as Irish G**, being of the same persuasion, but loathe the G word.

Ah, Adam, is there no end to your childish bile?

"I'd like to be on the same side as Irish G**, being of the same persuasion, but loathe the G word."

Can you explain that a bit, please?

Irish Straight Guy: have you only just come down in the last snow shower?

have you only just come down in the last snow shower?

possibly.....

The Irish can't beat the British when it comes to inventions since 1945.

50% of all the world's major inventions since 1845 are British inventions. In 2nd place is the US, with 25%, and the other 25% is the rest of the world combined.

"50% of all the world's major inventions since 1845 are British inventions"

That should be 1945.

"The Top 10 Irish Inventions
Adam, you ignored the genuine inventions and posted those crap ones which were designed to be sold to the English. I took the liberty and posted the genuine ones. I gather you already went to the site where I got these ones. Enough with the childish comments."

Says the guy who posted the English jokes on the page before my Irish jokes.

Just having a laugh like yourself. No more jokes. Couldn't help myself.

true story......
An English MP was addressing a crowd in Belfast. He stated to the masses "I was born an Englishman, I've lived an Englishman, and by God I shall die an Englishman!" Then, from the back of the crowd, a voice yelled "Shite
man, have ye no ambition?"

Where in God's beloved world did you get those figures Adam?